Cast Page
I'm using middle names for the sake of privacy.
Shawn - aka dictator
My husband of 6 years... He's 34, dark haired and pretty cute. He's an awesome father to our kids and they adore him. We haven't had it easy... and it has taken its toll on him. What drew me to him was his easygoing, laid back personality. He was kind and funny. His business has had some rocky points because of the weather where we live and the stress of losing our kids has been hard on him and our marriage. He has issues from his past and our marriage that he needs to work out... maybe in therapy if he would agree. He is a good man, but there is a lot of anger inside him and it would be great to see him change back to the man I fell in love with.
Dianne
My 10 year old stepdaughter... she is an awesome kid and I adore her. She spends every other weekend with us and is here a lot in the summers. We've come a long way, her and I... from me being an immature 18 year old trying to be a mom... to her learning to love and accept me as a parental figure in her life.
Emma
My first angel baby... born in 1996, she lived for 2 days and died of severe heart defects. We had no idea during the pregnancy and her sickness and death were a huge shock to all of us. She suffered in those 2 days while they struggled to keep her alive... but in the end I held her as she died and I cherish those moments. I miss her dearly and she is always in my heart.
Jenna
My sweet little 5 year old... I became pregnant with her 3 months after Emma's death and if not for her I don't know how I would have made it through. She has a sparkling and outgoing personality. She is very unique and surprises us every day with new things she has learned. She is a very caring little girl and loves to spend time doing family things as she says. She is above average reading level for her grade and I'm extremely proud of her. I'm her biggest fan and I adore her.
David
My second angel baby... born in 1999 at 30 weeks gestation he lived for 1 hour and struggled before he died. He had severe heart defects and absence of kidneys. So his lungs were not fully developed. He gasped for breath off and on until the end. I held him for almost an hour until I began to hemmorage. I nearly died that morning... because of this he was not in my arms when he passed away. I do know that he was being lovingly talked to and touched by his dad and my mom when he died... but it does little to comfort me. He is our only son and we have grieved terribly over his loss... He is also forever in my heart.
Baby Rina
My little one lost in 2000... this was a miscarriage I suffered... I will be mentioning this one in poetry to my children and in certain entries... so I want him/her to be a part of my cast page. Losing this one was hard in many ways... one of them being the way I lost him/her. I suffered severe anxiety attacks for 3 months after the loss and was about to give up on the thought of another baby until I became pregnant again. This one too is in my heart always.
Hannah
My 2 year old miracle child... so named Hope because of the hope in our hearts to have her healthy and living. She is special because we didn't really allow ourselves to believe we could have another healthy child. Our doctors told us that we probably wouldn't. She was our last try. Since doctors didn't know what was wrong with our kids, they couldn't tell us our chances at conceiving another healthy child. She made it though... and has made our lives sparkle ever since. She can be shy when she wants to, but then she can be the most outgoing child you ever saw. She loves to tease and can be a little imp when she wants to. Whereas Jenna loved to play for hours contentedly by herself, Hannah needs and wants attention and to be with me constantly. She is a momma's girl for sure. As the song says, sometimes I think I dreamed her into life.
Mom and Dad
My darling parents... 61 and 64 respectively...I am the baby of my family and my mom and dad are pretty much two of the most important people in my life. Mom is a devoted christian and loves me and all her family so much. She's always praying for one of us... My dad is the strong silent type and in many ways I like to think I'm daddy's little girl.. cause though he's too shy to say it often, I know that he loves me deeply.
Debbie
One of my closest friends... 25 years old... she just left her husband (a controlling jerk) 5 months ago and we have gotten our friendship back on track since. She wasn't allowed to see anyone or do anthing during her relationship. She has 3 kids and is in love with her first love now... sticky situation because he is now married. He has strong feelings for Debbie though. Debbie is seeing my brother in law... this situation could get interesting... we'll see where it goes.
Ann
One of my best friends for about 6 years. 26 years old... We used to hate each other in school but found after graduation that we have a lot in common. Her marriage has been shitty for years and she has left him 3 times... only to come back when he begs her. She needs to get out of that siuation... I believe she will when the time is finally right.
Brenda
or as I refer to her... "J". 26 years old... a friend I grew up with... trusted completely... backstabbed me 3 years ago concerning my little boy David... got close to her again last year... trusted her... backstabbed me again with TL. Hate her most of the time but am sticking around for reasons of my own. I have learned alot from being her friend... hence my new favourite song, FIGHTER by Christiana Aguilera.
TL
Someone I can not elaborate on deeply in this diary... very important person in my life... one I cannot let go of. TL hurts me yet gives me some of the greatest moments, greatest pleasures of my life. I feel alive when I talk to TL... when I see TL...
Joy
Another close friend... 26 years old... I've known her for about 4 years and we've drifted a bit since she got with a new love but the friendship is always there and we know it.
Marie
My absolute oldest friend. 26 years old... we go waaaaay back to about 3 years old. We grew up together and we have taken different paths in life, but when we get together its like we've never been apart. We could talk for literally hours on end about anything... pretty special friendhip.
Anna
My neice living with her mom in Quebec... 15 years old... She has become like a sister to me and we give each other things in our friendship that the other needs. She usually comes in the summer to work here and I think that she'll be moving here this summer to stay so I'll be needed as a "mom/sister" figure because my brother's fiance doesn't seem to care too much about her... Love her, she's a darlin'.
Andrew
My brother who lives next door, engaged to someone since his wife of 14 years left him... 43 years old. My hero... the one most like me... who has suffered in life and has addictions just like me. I relate to him.. and am just learning to become a friend to him. We are closer now than we have ever been. He's awesome... Big strong stocky guy who would do anything for me, anytime. He's only a few steps away if I ever need him.
Fiona
My older sister... 41 years old, a librarian with 3 teenagers (1 in university)... she's a great mom and a great sister... a little like our dad. She is very sensitive inside but tough outside. She has been the one who is more like a "mom" figure to me out of my siblings. But that's ok. She gives great advice.
Maria
My other sister who lives far away... 39 years old and recently separated from her husband. She comes to visit about 3 times a year and times spent with her are pretty special.. She has 2 girls who love to come and play with their cousins. Love spending time with her and miss her like crazy when she goes back home. Gotta go visit her sometime this year.. haven't been down in ages.
Almost too much - March 24, 2006
Contact... Oh God - March 22, 2006
Life is cruel - March 02, 2006
Todd's Back... - September 03, 2005
still here - February 12, 2005
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