For some reason, out of the blue, I felt compelled to write in my diary today. I haven't been in looking at my favourite diaries in awhile and was wondering what eveyrone was up to...
so as I was perusing the current goings-on of those people I love to "look in" on, I decided that perhaps one or two of those who added me to their fav. list of diaries may be curious as to what the hell has happened to me AGAIN!
To answer that question, I really had to sit for a minute and think about why I REALLY haven't been updating like I used to. It didn't come to me for awhile, maybe because I wasn't being totally honest with myself.
Just writing this entry reminds me of how awesome it used to be to write my daily feelings out in here... and part of me wants to do that again and for as long as I'm able... BUT
and its a big BUT.
The nature of some of my writing is very personal to me... to the extent that I cannot risk those in my personal life besides those couple of friends I trust explicitly, to come upon this diary.
My husband came periously close to finding my diary... and had he known more about computers (he's a bit computer illiterate), he WOULD have found it and my life as I know it would have been destroyed LITERALLY.
As they say... "never leave a paper trail", lol.
I never realized just how easy it is to get to my diary pages even though it is somewhat password protected. From my own computer, it is very simple to find. Therefore, I have been WAY too nervous to come here, let alone write in here.
Sad because I loved sharing! It is really something to look back on how my life was going last year at this time.
I think the only solution would be to begin a new diary... one that would be ok for him to find... one that I could share MOST things in, but not the one thing that could destroy everything. I have delayed doing this because I don't want to lose the "buddies" I have found and I hate the thought of starting over with a blank slate. This diary was created with MUCH time and love.
I would be more than willing to let those who are interested know where my new "home" will be... Just let me know at the email address listed. I haven't even begun to do this yet, but I believe it will be the only solution.
I will try to update soon on how my life is going in this diary just to give it closure, but for now this entry is getting way too long.
You'll be hearing from me soon...
HUGS!
Almost too much - March 24, 2006
Contact... Oh God - March 22, 2006
Life is cruel - March 02, 2006
Todd's Back... - September 03, 2005
still here - February 12, 2005
I feeltoday