Suddenly in the middle of my happy day, I feel lost.
Empty, alone and missing you. Why can't I just be tough and move on... forget my senseless dreams... dreams that will never come true.
I drive myself crazy wondering, hoping and analyzing every word that passed between us. Wondering if you were truly happy to see me, if you want to see me again... when you will call, when or if I should call you...
It's a feeling akin to grief... I've grieved before, grieved intensely and this is definetly different than that, but related somehow. Every time I walk away from you, I feel as though I'm losing something... that I'm leaving a part of me behind with you.
Last night when I was on back of the buggy and you were driving me to the truck, I rested my hands at your sides and whispered, "I love you" to your back. I don't know if I was hoping you would hear or that you wouldn't. Sometimes I just want to get it all out in the open and fuck the consquences.
I just want to wrap my arms around you and never let go... I want to hold on to the feeling I have when you are near. I am so messed up and empty after we part.
I need you.
And sometimes I just want to scream in frustration because I'm so damn far from you and my whole being... everything I am, my very heart was made for you... was meant to be with you.
We're going against the laws of nature... and fate itself. This love needs to be set free. I need you know how very beautiful that love would be once unrestrained. I would give you everything, be your everything and you would never want for more. I ache to show you what we could be together...
Fate had the right idea... we screwed it up. Let's make it right darling.
I love you.
Almost too much - March 24, 2006
Contact... Oh God - March 22, 2006
Life is cruel - March 02, 2006
Todd's Back... - September 03, 2005
still here - February 12, 2005
I feeltoday