Well... finally I can add an entry. I don't know why, but the last entry I posted ages ago never showed up and I got so frustrated that I just gave up and didn't bother trying again until now.
Let's hope this one gets posted.
SO much has happened in my life in the last few months. There is just no way I could update it in here in one entry.
The situation between Todd, Brenda and I basically exploded a couple of months ago. Mostly because she and I actually became completely honest with each other and admitted what we have been up to behind the other's back. This led to a lovely trick we played on him in which we ended up sitting with him at his house for 2 hours talking one evening. We basically cornered him and let me tell you, he was doing some major stuttering. We ended it with him then and there. It was VERY heartbreaking. And we shed many tears.
I'd like to say that it is still over, but things changed and Brenda actually became more desperate than me. She decided that she wanted it to go back to the way it was... We would both have him and be ok with it.
Huh??
I was stunned. Still am.
He agreed to it after only a little bit of consideration. And to tell the truth, I was a bit disappointed that he did... showed how little he really cares for each of us.
And I only agreed to try this because I'll be DAMNED if she is going to see him and me not. Which is what she told me... that she was going to see him regardless.
So....
all that has been put on hold because Brenda had some kind of spell 2 weeks ago in which she suffered several seizures in one day and was flown away immediately to a better hospital. I was left with her kids. She was and is very sick. And no one can seem to figure out what is wrong. She came home last week, though she shouldn't have. She looked like death warmed over. And she continues to shake to this day along with headaches and dizziness...
Needless to say, I'm not going to tell her that Todd contacted me last week and wanted to see me the very same day she got home. She doesn't need to know that now. And besides I didn't see him. I am up in the air as to what to do concerning him.
She has confided to me that she is done with him. That her husband (the best guy in the world.. seriously) has been so good to her and she doesn't want to jepordize it... not to mention how wonderful Todd's wife has been to her since she became sick. She just doesn't want to hurt them. It's not worth it she says...
Makes me wonder why I wasn't important enough to stop for. Since he has been the love of my life for 12 years, not hers.
Anyway... we will see where this goes.
In other news.... I had a very nice Christmas. The dictator and I are getting along better not including the money situation which has NOT improved in the least. He plans to build a house this year. And I'm along for the ride for now.
My kids are doing great. Getting big and making me laugh every day. I thank God for them.. I really do. In fact, I was almost determined to have another baby the month after I ended it with Todd. I was ready to settle into this marriage and give it a good try regardless of the problems. Then Todd wants to see me and BOOM, baby thoughts are put on hold and my mind starts whirling again.
I just can't win.
I can't have Todd in the way I want him... so what do I do? I still love him, jerk that he is.
Can anyone say... confusion???
Almost too much - March 24, 2006
Contact... Oh God - March 22, 2006
Life is cruel - March 02, 2006
Todd's Back... - September 03, 2005
still here - February 12, 2005
I feeltoday