Another fallish morning...
mmmm... air smells so nice.
Yesterday turned out to be beautiful and hot in the afternoon and I went to the beach with Ann and Joy. It was pretty fun even though I'm not really a beach person anymore... I've come to love a place called Miller's Pond that we've been to quite a bit this summer. I go swimming there with the kids and its so fun. At the beach you just can't go swimming unless you wanna freeze your ass off in the Atlantic ocean.
Last night I went to Joy's with Ann and we made pizza and watched two of our favourite shows... Canadian Idol and For Love or Money 2. It was a good time. I'd love to do it again soon... as long as dictator lets me out of the house again. And that is a good question as to when I'll be allowed out in the evening again. Gotta make sure "daddy" says yes ya know.
On a sadder note, I just found out that my cousin (who is more like a dear aunt to me) is full of cancer. She has cervical and ovarian cancer as well as a huge mass on her spine... its all through her lymph system and in her bones... she has a lump in her neck that needs to be removed and the mass on her spine has caused her severe pain and nerve damage in her leg so that she can only stand or lay on one side with a pillow between her legs.
She had to have massive injections of pain medicine just to withstand the tests they had to run. Anyway, they wouldn't give her a prognosis other than that the radiation they would start her on would ease her pain a great deal.
So basically she will not make it... I doubt she will live more than a few months.. if that. When my mom told me, I broke down immediately. I feel so terrible. Sarah came back here after a nasty breakup with her husband to start a new life. She got a job as a nurse at the hospital here and her and my mom have become best friends. She has been just what mom needed and visa versa.
She is at total peace and so is my mom... but I am not. I am angry and I don't understand why this shit happens to such good people. Not that it should happen to anyone of course... but it seems that it happens a lot in my family and to people who give completely of themselves to others and never give a thought to themselves...
It just brings back the anger over my children who died... and with my first daughter's birthday and death anniversary almost on top of me... death just seems too real to me right now.
Kinda hard to deal with...
Almost too much - March 24, 2006
Contact... Oh God - March 22, 2006
Life is cruel - March 02, 2006
Todd's Back... - September 03, 2005
still here - February 12, 2005
I feeltoday